Sunday, 4 May 2014

A Lesson Just Realised...

I'm feeling really ill today.

I spent most of the night coughing a really, horrible drawn out wheezy cough springing deep from my chest. I also went to bed in a good mood after sinking a couple of glasses of red with the wife. But the cough was keeping me awake, it was keeping my wife awake. So I slept in the spare room. I still didn't sleep, perhaps maybe three hours.

My wife came in to say good bye as she left for work at 06:30 and I felt 'wrong' even then, with a stonking head ache, but I managed to get back to sleep. Woke up again at 9am, tried to read a book but it hurt my head too much, so went back to sleep until 12.

I woke up and felt even worse, like I was going to puke. My head was still pounding, but I managed to stomach a banana and some toast. I sat down and tried to do some work on my laptop, but couldn't. I felt incredibly light-headed and sick to the stomach. So I collapsed onto the sofa with some music at a light volume, and fell asleep again. I woke up at 4pm. Thankfully, my head-ache had gone, which I attributed to the red wine; having alcohol when you're already ill probably isn't the best thing to do.

So, I made a brew and some more toast and sat outside on the bench with a photography magazine and read for a bit. But I felt so wrong, just ill. Just dizzy and sickly. I decided to go up into the loft to get some pics from the sky light, to try and take my mind off it.

Pictures taken, and here I am looking through them and editing them, listening to some music. But for goodness sake, I feel ill. My shoulders feel tense, my hands are a little shaky, I still feel sick and I'm really light-headed. And until around 30 or 40 minutes ago, I had no idea why I feel so bad.

But I've started to feel depressed and sad. And a little tearful. The penny drops.

I forgot to take my 100mg of anti-depressant last night before bed. At least, I don't remember taking them.

And now I feel very depressed and sad. The drugs are starting to wear off a little. Which makes me mad.

It just demonstrates how much I have to rely on the damn things, and why if I miss a dose, it can affect me pretty badly. Which is one reason why being back in work makes me very anxious.

I'm not sure what to do for the rest of the evening; I don't want to sleep, although I may end up that way. I have to try and fight the urge to get upset. I'm even tempted to stick my fingers down my throat to force me to throw up.

Anyway, this is an example of how if you're on a high dose daily, missing one can really mess you up.

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